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Do You Know Your Love Language?

December 26, 2018

“love Language” We bring this up all the time on our podcasts, so we thought we would give you a little more information if you’ve become curious about your own love language.  Knowing your love language, you can better express your needs to your partner while also understanding how to make them feel loved in return. Side note: This can work for your kids as well.

Most problems in our relationships with other people come from speaking in different love languages, whether that be with your partner, friend or even child. For example, your husband/wife might complain to you that you “don’t spend enough time with him/her” when you communicate your love through acts of service.

People tend to give love the way they naturally prefer to receive love. Knowing your love language, you can better express your needs to your partner while also understanding how to make them feel loved in return. This not only helps in romantic relationships, but also improves the way we interact with anyone, whether in the office, with our family, or when meeting new friends. By understanding we give and receive love, we can show people we care and make them feel loved and appreciated.

 

First, what are love languages? In a nutshell, they are the ways we show love and interpret love back. It’s the language we speak when expressing love. Because the action of loving is different for everyone.

Here are the five love languages.

1. Words of affirmation.
Showing love through language and affirmation. This doesn’t just mean compliments. I Love yous’. I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re having an amazing day!!! Can’t wait to see you later. And if this is your language, hurtful words and character assignation cuts deeper than people who don’t speak this language. Ask yourself if this is one way you show and interpret love.

2. Quality time.
Showing love by giving someone your full attention, not just making an effort to spend time. This sounds obvious but, especially in the world we live in today, we don’t give people our full undivided attention. We’re busy looking at our phones. Thinking about tomorrow. Watching television. So if this is your love language, you may perceive someone who is distracted when she is with you as her not loving you. But it just may not be her love language. That’s not how she naturally shows love. Note: That being said, there is a common courtesy respect thing if the person you’re with is constantly not present.

3. Receiving gifts.
Showing love through things. This doesn’t mean you’re materialistic. It can be little things. Flowers. A dress. Motorcycle riding gloves? Many see gifts as an expression of love. If you speak this language but your partner doesn’t, you may think he doesn’t love you because he rarely gives you gifts. But he may just not show love in that way. Note: If this is not your love language, don’t use it as an excuse to not buy your partner gifts. That’s something everyone should do because it’s thoughtful and shows you’re thinking about that person.

4. Physical touch.
Showing you love someone by physically touching them. Are you tactile or not? Is your partner tactile or not? How important is that to you? I know people who genuinely don’t like being touched. They squirm when you hug them. They hate PDA. It doesn’t mean they love you less. It’s just not their thing. It may or may not be a dealbreaker but it’s definitely something to consider.

5. Acts of service.
Expressing love by doing something for someone. Filling her car with gas without her knowing. Cleaning the House. Doing the dishes. A massage. Service doesn’t mean submissive. For many, it means I love you and this is how I choose to express it. If acts of service is not your love language but you’re with someone who speaks this language, one’s going to feel unappreciated and unloved.

You may be thinking, but I show love in all these ways. They are all important.. that is true. We get that. But you gravitate toward one or two languages more than others. (these would be your top love languages) They are how you naturally show love. That being said, there is room to grow and stretch and adapt. That’s what relationships are about. You don’t just set and forget There is a dance. It’s a process. Love languages are just one more thing to explore and discover about someone. It’s all about understanding people’s needs as well as yours.

Want to take the love language quiz? Click Here to be directed to the love language site, where you can take a quiz to find out.

Show some love today!

xoxo

Denise and Emily

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